Universal Church of Blue Jeans and Barbecue

I was walking in Mid-town around Church Row yesterday and I came across this.

Good advice indeed.

Good advice indeed.

I was surrounded by churches.  Maybe I could find out who I was in one of them.  Naw.  That’s not how we roll on abeerforbreakfast.  I had a much, much  better idea.  I’ll start my own church! Yessiree Bob!  Capital idea.  Before I start my church, I’m gonna need some church stuff and it probably wouldn’t hurt to get ordained.

I want my title to be Minister and I’m gonna need proof. So, it took me about three minutes to get on the net, find a link and blammo–instant Minister!! I got ordained here, and you can too!  I’m now an officially ordained Minister ready to marry people in Piedmont Park.

Next stop, the Georgia Farmers Market.DSC_0217You’re probably wondering why the Farmers Market right?  Well, because I need churchy stuff and they sell it here.

Plastic Pope only $4.99

Plastic Pope only $4.99

I’m gonna start with come icons.  I’ll need a plastic Pope, some Mary’s, a couple of Saints and let’s not forget Jesus!  Wouldn’t be much of a church without him now, would it?

Scary Mary

Scary Mary

I’ll be starting my church in an edgy part of town, so I opted for the cooler versions for my icons.  I’m pretty sure that’s Mary.

Skull Saints...cool for Halloween!

Skull Saints...cool for Halloween!

I’m gonna need some of those cards with prayers on them to put by the door.

Pick a card, any card

Pick a card, any card

I had a really tough time choosing my Jesus, so I got one in black and another in white. Who really knows?

Black Jesus

Black Jesus

The white ones were three for $9.99, so I loaded up.

On sale!

On sale!

Okay, I’m officially ordained and I have churchy stuff.  After doing some research, I found out I can deduct the cost of my church, so I’m putting my church in my basement.  That should ease my tax burden quite a bit this year. I’m going to need at least one person to attend services on Sundays to make this legit, so please volunteer. Here’s what we’ll be eating after service.DSC_0307Service will start sometime around noon and we’ll be done before kick-off. Wear your blue jeans and jersey’s for your favorite teams…and bring along some blues CD’s that you can listen to while I give a sermon.  We can listen to this if you forget your CD’s.

We’ll also pass the glass.

Serving Wine is so passe.  We've got a kegger!

Serving Wine is so passe. We've got a kegger!

On a serious note, I’m doing this for research for a new novel I’m writing, but I’ll bet The Man upstairs would not disapprove of my concept of a church at all.

God bless and cheers!

Jim

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