Take My Daughters and Rape Them; Genesis: What the Preacher Left Out

You’re probably familiar with the story in Genesis about the destruction of Sodom.  Unless you’re a bible scholar you probably missed the following part.  It’s really in there.  I didn’t make this up.

Sodom was the biblical equivalent of Vegas without the neon.  Lot’s of drinking, gambling, stealing,  prostitution and buggering.  Yes, I said and meant buggering.  Apparently it was a right of passage for newcomers to Sodom. 

Sounds like the set for Hangover, right?

Lot, prolific-breeder-Abraham’s grandson, used to stalk out the entrance of the city of Sodom waiting for Angels to appear.  I suppose this was akin to playing the biblical lottery with about the same odds of success.  But, lo and behold, one day two Angels, disguised as men, did in fact meet Lot at the entrance of  Sodom.  (Miracles happen all the time in the Old Testament.)  The Angels were sent by the big man HIMself to destroy the city and everyone in it for being such a lecherous and wicked bunch.  Lot was thrilled to meet them.

He invited them back to his house to wash their feet and dine with his wife and two virgin daughters.  The Angels reluctantly agreed, and they walked through the city past gamblers, prostitutes, drunks, probably a few lawyers, and thugs on their way to Lots house.  Their presence didn’t go un-noticed.

All of the men from Sodom surrounded Lot’s house.  All of them.  Big crowd.  They demanded that Lot turn over the Angels to them so that they could bugger them.  Yes, I said bugger again, and it’s in the bible.  “Bring them out here so that we can have sex with them!”  the crowd demanded.  (Genesis 19:5)  Lot couldn’t bring himself to turn the Angels out to the rowdy, horny crowd….so he offered up the next best thing.  His two virgin daughters!  Yeah, that’s the ticket!

Lot went outside and addressed the rabble.  “Listen guys.  What you’re wanting to do with these two men is downright wicked, and I can’t let you do that to them, but I do have two virgin daughters!  You can have them!  No kidding.  I’ll go inside and bring them out to you guys.  You can do whatever you want to them.  How’s that sound?  But please leave the men alone.  They’re my house guests and I’m bound to protect them.”

I don’t know about your house, but I wouldn’t have survived that odd little exchange.  It’d be a close bet to see who would shoot me in the chest first, my wife or my daughter.  I’d be like, “Ok guys.  Sorry for the mix-up.  Take these strangers but please leave my daughter alone!”  Then I’d toss the Angels out the door (my wife and daughter would already be shoving them in that direction) knowing that if they were really Angels that nothing bad would happen to them, but that’s just me.

Even the Angels thought this was crazy talk, so they pulled Lot back inside.  Then the Angels blinded all of the men so that they couldn’t find the house.  (Personally, I would find the blinding thing a little distracting and I seriously doubt I’d care about finding the house and buggering strange men anymore.)  The rabble eventually left Lot’s house and they wandered about in the streets.

The following day, (you probably remember this part) Lot and his family fled Sodom as the Angels destroyed the city and everyone in it with a storm of fire and brimstone.  Lot’s wife  didnt’ listen to the warning that the Angels gave her, (shades of Eve?) so she looked back once the destruction began and was turned into a pillar of salt. 

Everybody died except Lot and his two daughters.

You won’t believe what happens next.  Stay tuned.


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