Chia-Obama

It comes in 2 models–”Determined Obama”  shown here, or “Happy Obama” shown on the side of the box.  I think this is creepy and he looks like a stoned greeter for Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, or possibly OZ.

You can pick one of these up here.  This is being sold as a “symbol of Liberty…and makes the statement I’m proud to be an American.”

I’m ordering mine today.  These are sure to be collectible classics.

Cheers!

Jim

Good advice indeed.

I was surrounded by churches.  Maybe I could find out who I was in one of them.  Naw.  That’s not how we roll on abeerforbreakfast.  I had a much, much  better idea.  I’ll start my own church! Yessiree Bob!  Capital idea.  Before I start my church, I’m gonna need some church stuff and it probably wouldn’t hurt to get ordained.

I want my title to be Minister and I’m gonna need proof. So, it took me about three minutes to get on the net, find a link and blammo–instant Minister!! I got ordained here, and you can too!  I’m now an officially ordained Minister ready to marry people in Piedmont Park.

Next stop, the Georgia Farmers Market.You’re probably wondering why the Farmers Market right?  Well, because I need churchy stuff and they sell it here.

Plastic Pope only $4.99

I’m gonna start with come icons.  I’ll need a plastic Pope, some Mary’s, a couple of Saints and let’s not forget Jesus!  Wouldn’t be much of a church without him now, would it?

Scary Mary

I’ll be starting my church in an edgy part of town, so I opted for the cooler versions for my icons.  I’m pretty sure that’s Mary.

Skull Saints...cool for Halloween!

I’m gonna need some of those cards with prayers on them to put by the door.

Pick a card, any card

I had a really tough time choosing my Jesus, so I got one in black and another in white. Who really knows?

Black Jesus

The white ones were three for $9.99, so I loaded up.

On sale!

Okay, I’m officially ordained and I have churchy stuff.  After doing some research, I found out I can deduct the cost of my church, so I’m putting my church in my basement.  That should ease my tax burden quite a bit this year. I’m going to need at least one person to attend services on Sundays to make this legit, so please volunteer. Here’s what we’ll be eating after service.Service will start sometime around noon and we’ll be done before kick-off. Wear your blue jeans and jersey’s for your favorite teams…and bring along some blues CD’s that you can listen to while I give a sermon.  We can listen to this if you forget your CD’s.

We’ll also pass the glass.

Serving Wine is so passe. We've got a kegger!

On a serious note, I’m doing this for research for a new novel I’m writing, but I’ll bet The Man upstairs would not disapprove of my concept of a church at all.

God bless and cheers!

Jim

Sweetwater served, Bud advertised

My 17 year old daughter wasn’t interested in the game.  She actually stopped texting when she saw these in the nosebleed section.

Naked teen boys

The seats were fantastic.  We had waiters and ordered from these.

Real menu's with half-assed decent food

We got to watch Chipper Jones do this a lot, after all, his batting average is a whopping .500. If I were him I’d have retired last night with the highest batting average in history, but he’s not a quitter, he’s a hitter.

chipper doing his thing

Here’s a special moment. A batter is about to pummel an umpire for calling a third strike.  You don’t see this everyday.  This is a abeerforbreakfast exclusive! Double click, then double click again on the second image for a closer look. (you can do this on all my pics)

I'm gonna beat your ass ump!

That made me want a beer.  I asked the ridiculously hot Mrs. Abeerforbreakfast to get me a beer, and this is what it looked like by the time she made it back.

What's left of my brand new $7 beer. Thanks a lot Lucy!

Around the 4th inning or so, the Jolly Green Giant decided to share my seat.  39, 817 fans and he has to sit here.

Can't wait to sit next to him on a plane!

Things start getting a little weird around the 7th inning and I see Chipper Jones with a wig, makeup and earrings wandering through the stands.

Chipper, what the hell are you wearing?

Found out the the “wave” still lives at the Ted.

Travel back in time and do the wave!

Okay, I admit it.  Doing the wave was fun.

Braves won.  We went to the preferred Diamond Member Valet Parking area of the Green lot…yes, I said valet parking, and went home.

For three hours I forgot about the economy, the stupidity of most of the people that govern our country, whether or not Michael Jackson had drugs in his system at the time of his death, and the ever rising price of gas.  I gotta tell you.  Baseball, America’s favorite pass-time is also America’s Great Escape.

Thanks for the tickets Jonathan!  BTW.  You do not want to miss my posts for July 4th.  Gonna be smoking 40lbs of pork butt, playing with fireworks and shooting guns at my Old Brown Father in Law’s house in Muscella, GA. (It’s featured here.)   A big giant rednecky time is guaranteed!  Pics will be of the not to be missed variety!

Cheers,

Jim

Before we get started, you’re going to need a beverage.  DUMP THAT SWEET TEA!! It’s too hot outside for that.  Instead, wrap your hands around Atlanta Brew Company’s Red Brick Summer Brew.  It’s a German style wheat…a “hefe weizen” to be precise.  (No idea what the hell that means.)  It’s got a nice subtle fruit and spice finish and a wedge of orange or lemon is the perfect garnish.  This one get’s my vote for June’s Front Porch Southern Sipper Award! (Cheers!  …and the crowd went crazy!)

Let’s get started, shall we?  Ladies first. Double click the pictures, then double click again for a larger image…the kind that only a thousand bucks worth of Nikon will get you.

First and foremost, you must have a sign to greet visitors.

Welcome neighbors!

And you better be able to back it up.

2.8 seconds...pretty doggone fast!

Here’s a front yard essential.

Been there for years....no idea on earth how it got there.

Here’s another.

Big 'ol dish for my big 'ol screen.

You’ll need a place for your tools.

Nice shed with a porch for beer drinking!

Here’s the back of the shed.

Uhmmm? Whassat?

That’s a place for your….

Cluck, cluck, cluck!

You put this flag on the front porch.

Old Glory!

You’ll likely find this one on the back porch. This is a home-made back-porch. You must double click this!

It's a Southern thing...not a racist thing.

Here’s a redneck Cadillac.

Almost too low to drive proudly.

Don’t forget to put one of these on your dash.

Yeah baby!

Here’s what happens when you hit a cow with your redneck Cadillac.

Just leave it in the yard.

You’re bound to find a few things that used to work.

Ex-three wheeler...is that a keg? Whooeeee!

Some of them are projects.

Definitely gonna fix this one of these days...maybe...ah, just leave it there.

Some are too far gone to fix.

Fix-a-flat ain't fixing this flat.

And don’t forget the playground, ’cause somebody’s gonna bring some kids.

All the kids that lived in this house are grown.

Real Southern yards are full of stuff.  A lot of it just blends into the scenery after a while and projects don’t get done because there’s just more important stuff to do…like barbecue with the family.

“Just leave it there for a while” is a way of life.  A good one at that.

Cheers!

Jim

e

Cheers! 

Jim

Here are mine in chronological order.  Whatever you do, play the last video on this post.

1. Freebird, by Lynrd Skynrd. No introduction needed.   This was the Southern Rock anthem that played on 8 tracks in my High School parking lot in Stone Mountain GA.  Pot, beer, strawberry zig-zags, rebel flags, long hair,  hopped-up cars and  girls.     Skynrd penned the song for the ages with Freebird and we all sang along.

2.  Psycho Killer, Talking Heads. My parents moved to CT when I was 19 and I moved in with a band in Buckhead at the height of its’ cool period.  You needed a pass to get in.  I didn’t know who the hell I was, but I connected with this song, and this band.  It made me feel like I had discovered something underground and cool, and I could be part of it.  Take Me to the River was a close second.  Our band actually opened for Talking Heads at the Agora Ballroom. Lucky little shit….I was indeed!

3.  Manifesto, Roxy Music. Brian Ferry hypnotized me  with his voice.  If I added up all the time I spent listening to this cut, it’d probably total about 45 straight days.  I was involved with all kinds and all matters of shit and people that I should have stayed away from.  I’m very lucky to have survived this period of my life.  This music takes me straight back there.  Roxboro Rd.  Buckhead.  Edgy as a two year old playing with a rusty razor.

4.  First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, Roberta Flack. All grown up now.  This is how I feel about my wife.  Johnny Cash did a gut-wrenching cover on his last album that’ll bring you to your knees.  The lyrics to this song are an incredible declaration of epic love. I love this song and I dedicate it to my wife, Lucy.

5.  Hurt, by Johnny Cash. Yes, Trent Reznor from NIN wrote it, but Mr. Cash made it his own.  Stunning lyrics and incredible video.  This song pretty much sums up how I feel about certain things right now, and I’m realizing that in the end, most of the time and effort I put into shit like a corporate job, and cars, and stuff just doesn’t f#%&ing matter at all.  Hopefully, when I revisit this theme again, my #5 song will change to something like Don’t Worry…Be Happy!

You must watch this video.

That was therapeutic! Thanks for being there for me.

There were a lot of other great songs and groups that didn’t quite make my top 5.  Beatles, Zepplin, Pink Floyd, Stone Temple Pilots…I was really too young for Hendrix, and while I love Dylan…his songs are soundtracks for his life. Like I said, this wasn’t easy.   I encourage you to give this little exercise a whirl.

Please share your songs and your comments.

Cheers,

Jim