An AK47, Illegal Gambling and 40 Pounds of Smoked Pork Butt

It’s taken me nearly a full week to recover from my family’s 4th of July bash.  Found out the hard way that the Betty Ford Clinic doesn’t accept personal checks. It took me three full days to stop slurring.  I still drool involuntarily every few hours, and my IQ has dropped a full 16 points…all in the name of celebrating our country’s independence.

Old Glory!

Old Glory!

Laws are meant to be broken, and boy howdy, did we do one whale of a job that weekend.  Everyone that attended had to put their car keys and $50 into a “make bail” pot in case someone got arrested.  (a near certainty!)

My family has pleaded with me to not post any photos that might land most of us in the pokey, so I’ll show you what to do with 40 lbs of pork butt while hopefully keeping you mildly amused.

Here’s what 40 lbs of pork butt looks like.

That's an ass-load of butt!

That's an ass-load of butt!

Smoking this much meat takes a helluva long time, so you have to keep yourself amused while this is happening.

Takes the whole friggin' day.

Takes the whole friggin' day.

Before you put it in the smoker you soak it in beer for about 10 hours.  I used a wheelbarrow and some trash bags, covered the meat in ice and let it sit.  Then you need to put on a good dry-rub.  This needs to be rubbed in and left to sit overnight.  It should like like this.

Properly dry-rubbed butts

Properly dry-rubbed butts

I noticed that some of my comboddies showed up with bags of cash.  Small bills.

Small bills, no prints

Small bills, no prints

We were going to play this, hopefully, only for money.

Who's the hottie?

Who's the hottie?

Later, we switched to cards.  This is where things can get a little edgy, as everyone at the table cheats and is drinking. No guns are allowed at the table.

I see cards, cash, beer, friends and family....good combo!

I see cards, cash, beer, friends and family....good combo!

Some of the guests hung out here before the AK47 and other assorted weapons were illegally discharged within 30 feet of the house.  Photos of this activity were prohibited by gunfire.

Chillin' amongst the villans!

Chillin' amongst the villans!

I re-activated the tinnitus I developed as a budding rock star. I could no longer hear anything for the rest of the afternoon.  I could however still smell.  I checked the butts in the smoker.

This is better than any restaurants pork...guarantee ya that!

This is better than any restaurants pork...guarantee ya that!

I baste these suckers with a vinegar based mop every hour on the hour.  After about 9 hours they came out of the smoker looking like this.

Hog heaven!

Hog heaven!

I turned these into a couple of trays of this.

Ready to stain your shirt!

Ready to stain your shirt!

Yep.  That’s the real deal.  Served up with home-made BBQ sauce on big fat f#$%ing rolls with cole slaw on top.  This took me about 20 beers to make.  I had a few pounds left over and I made Brunswick Stew with it.  I’m a true Redneck Gourmet.

Hope you all had a fifth on the 4th!

Cheers,

Jim

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